Things Bostonians Like: Coffee

Bostonian Motto

A requisite to being a Bostonian is a love of coffee. Although Bostonians didn’t invent coffee, they are under the impression that they did. They also believe that it’s actually good. Or they pretend that they do. Coffee, like cigarettes and Frank Sinatra, is an acquired taste with a built-in image. And due to the fact that Bostonians also love pretentiousness (just their own, not anybody else’s), the way they refer to their coffee requires a translator for out-of-state friends.

Bostonians all need Dunkin’ Donuts (a franchise that sells all breakfast goods except donuts), Starbucks, or their local independent coffee-shop coffee before they can make it to their strenuous office job at 10:00 am. Poor behaviour, or cussing out the crossing guard lady, will inevitably be blamed on a lack of “morning java.” Referral to coffee as java, joe, morning fuel, etc. is usually a male Bostonian trait.

If they can help it, they will buy Fair Trade coffee for an extra six bucks, because by doing so they can save the world and still get their morning fix.

Bonus Points: Decorating one’s room with the cast-off cardboard coffee-cup sleeves or having a bumper-sticker that reads: My Car Runs on Starbucks.

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