Archive for June, 2010

Things Bostonians Dislike: The Lakers

Boston is a sports city. Boston is a team city. They have a sports bar at every corner, next to the Dunkin’ Donuts and the Starbucks. Boston is nuts about sports. That said, there are some sports that Boston, and therefore Bostonians, prefers over others: basketball over soccer, baseball over football (the American kind). Which of these take precedence and preference is a matter of season. In basketball, the Boston Celtics are gods of the city. Their mortal enemies are the L.A. Lakers

Although much of Boston’s population is rather preppy/yuppie, and given to the opinion that most sports are too masculine (no leaving out the females, dude!) and aggressive (we’re all for world peace here, yo), for some reason this doesn’t stop them from being totally for the annihilation of the five men who comprise the Lakers team and anyone who supports them. Therefore, be forewarned: Do not, repeat, do NOT enter Boston, especially after nightfall, wearing a Lakers shirt, or paraphernalia.
Similar to the British obsession with football (their version), sports in Boston are partially an excuse to be violent and to get drunk at odd hours of the day.  However, not all of Boston’s obsession with their teams can be boiled down to a repressed (and then expressed, during game time) need for violence. My belief is that it can be traced back to the days of the revolutionary war. Boston was one of the first colonial cities to oppose the tyranny of the British, the most famous act being the Boston Teaparty. Since then, Boston has become a liberal bastion as it were, eschewing things such a patriotism, nationalism, and tea. However, deep down, the old nature of Boston desires to re-assert itself.
The result is such: The Lakers have somehow become equated in Bostonians’ minds with the tyrannical British, circa 1770s. And by crushing them on the court, and their fans off court, they are being patriotic and nationalistic, despite their firmly held beliefs that these things are evil.

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Things Bostonians Like: Coffee

Bostonian Motto

A requisite to being a Bostonian is a love of coffee. Although Bostonians didn’t invent coffee, they are under the impression that they did. They also believe that it’s actually good. Or they pretend that they do. Coffee, like cigarettes and Frank Sinatra, is an acquired taste with a built-in image. And due to the fact that Bostonians also love pretentiousness (just their own, not anybody else’s), the way they refer to their coffee requires a translator for out-of-state friends.

Bostonians all need Dunkin’ Donuts (a franchise that sells all breakfast goods except donuts), Starbucks, or their local independent coffee-shop coffee before they can make it to their strenuous office job at 10:00 am. Poor behaviour, or cussing out the crossing guard lady, will inevitably be blamed on a lack of “morning java.” Referral to coffee as java, joe, morning fuel, etc. is usually a male Bostonian trait.

If they can help it, they will buy Fair Trade coffee for an extra six bucks, because by doing so they can save the world and still get their morning fix.

Bonus Points: Decorating one’s room with the cast-off cardboard coffee-cup sleeves or having a bumper-sticker that reads: My Car Runs on Starbucks.